I wanted to give a shout-out to my husband today. I know it isn't Valentine's Day yet, but I am in the mood to write and he deserves to hear this...
Valentine's Day is about celebrating love.
I didn't know real love until I met my husband. I didn't realize that love isn't a state of mind, it is a state of being. It is a living thing. It grows, changes, learns, flourishes....it is a forever morphing organism that is dependent on it's surroundings.
When I first met my husband I was broken.
I'm not going to tell some sob story about how he saved me. He didn't save me. He helped me save myself. He showed me that you need to get yourself out of your own bubble and explore the world around you. You don't have to go far. You can spend time in the front yard turning rocks over with your kids, checking for bugs. You can walk around a lake and pick up sticks and rocks that look cool and make them into things. You can re-read books you read as a child, and enjoy watching a child of this generation react to them. You can breathe. Live. Love.
I owe him so much.
When we first started dating it was like we built a tether cord between us. I was literally attached to him. When we went to family gatherings, I constantly found myself with my hand on his shoulder, reaching out to him for assurance and comfort. Safety. I was afraid he would disappear. I had never been so worried about losing someone before.
This was it.
This was what I had been waiting for. This was the guy I had dreamed of....the LIFE I had dreamed of when I was little. I was so scared it would be ripped away from me without warning. But I have grown since those early days of our relationship. Slowly, but surely, I started to move away. Don't get me wrong - the rope connecting us is still there. I even tug on it every once in a while to make sure he's paying attention. But I have found myself able to move further away from our life. I have been able to explore me a little more. I'm not so afraid to be on my own. I'm not so afraid of things that hurt me.
Because he is always there.
He is there when I get home from a bad shift at work. He is there when he gets home and I have been there all day with two screaming children and an unhappy dog. He is always there.
I cannot imagine a life without him. I actually actively don't imagine a life without him. The thought scares me. He is my everything. He is what I always wanted.
We argue, nag, fight, tease....but it doesn't matter.
At the end of the day I want nothing more than to lay down with my husband and put my hand on his heart and remind myself that we have eachother.
Man, we are lucky.
Happy Valentine's Day, friends!