In the past, I have utilized many different tactics to get rid of discomfort. My brain feels more comfortable being completely detached than engaging in silly human things such as emotions. I am in a completely unfamiliar place right now, because the majority of what I feel seems to be pain. Pain and panic mixed with a reprieve for an hour or so every once and a while.
I am constantly bolting from one place to the other, one task to the next. I keep putting the most mundane things on my to-do list just to have something to be working towards so that I don't pause long enough to look at the wreckage surrounding me. I am hoping that somehow making it from one day to the next is doing SOMETHING to make a difference and one day I will look up and find that the sun is shining again and it isn't such an effort just to simply pull that oh-so-necessary air into my lungs.
I feel like everything I do is wrong right now. I am doing this all wrong. This whole "life" thing. I appear to not be the greatest at it in many aspects.
I keep trying though, which I hope counts for something in the end.
Off to make another list of ridiculously easy things to accomplish to try to kill time for the next 6 hours until I can fly away again.
Where is that peace I have looked for for so long?