I got to play in the dirt today!
It was a gorgeous day outside, so we decided to go to Home Depot to pick up some flowers to do the flowerbeds out front. These flower beds haven't been worked on in many years, so it was REALLY exciting to see them transform from dust bowls to fully-mulched gardens.
My favorite part was getting to walk through the store and just pick out anything that looked pretty. I am good at that! And flowers aren't too expensive, so we got to buy a whole bunch of them. When we got home, the hubby did most of the hard work with getting the soil ready to plant and setting up the edging. I helped more with the decorative side instead of the manual labor as I'm still feeling not-so-great some days. The munchkin toiled around and picked up any trash left behind and helped to pick the rocks out of the flower beds. We all got a lot of much-needed sunlight! I think I'm the only one who didn't get burned. (I will admit I hid out in the shady areas as much as possible to try to protect my poor eyes that can't take the sun full-on these days...)
Now it's back to the work and school weeks and hopefully back to our normal lives.
Fingers crossed that this week brings good things.
This has been one of those weeks where I wish I were a bear and could go into hibernation.
Talk about being kicked when you're down. I am so beyond frustrated, and annoyed, and overwhelmed that I don't know what to do with myself. I've been trying different tactics to get rid of any of the stress-energy I have. And by energy, I mean those short bursts of panic in between the random narcolepsy that has been plaguing me these past few days. I've tried cleaning different rooms in the house from top to bottom. (Moving very carefully.) I've tried reading, and knitting, and drinking all different types of tea. Occasionally I'll sit down on the couch and just crash for an hour or two. I've had to limit the physical things due to tearing my brand-spanking-new scar tissue a few days ago, so that's been fun. Absolutely nothing is good enough.
I shouldn't say that. The love and support and countless hugs I am getting from my husband are helping more than anything. I am so glad that he is able to hold it together in times of crisis at home, because I am completely useless. I lose my sh*t when it comes to anything going wrong with my family. The tough Marine facade is crumbling into a heaping pile of snot and tears.
Sorry if I just flung myself off that pedestal you had me perched on.
You toss me away on the curb with the trash
Then expect arms wide open when you decide to come back?
Don't you hate it when your automatic physical reaction makes you look like a chicken?
I love adrenaline rushes. I do my best when I am running on one - seriously, I thrive on them. The only problem is, they make me look like I am in a full-on panic mode. I start shaking and I can't steady my voice or make it any louder no matter how much I want to or how hard I try. It always happens at the beginning of any excitement but usually goes away within 5 minutes or so.
I hate it.
I am really a lot braver than I appear. I am this tiny, skeletal woman right now and I look like I'm about 12 years old. However, if I saw one of my friends in a fight, I would immediately jump in to help defend them. I might be shaking like a person with Parkinson's, but don't misjudge me. My brain is going about 100 times faster than it normally does, which usually ends up being the downfall for my opponent. Also, can we please not forget the fact that I was in the military? I know it was a decade ago, and i know I didn't go overseas...but I still got the intensive training and I still have the heart of a Marine. (Why does this thought always set off a slew of "OOH RAH!"'s followed by a bunch of expletives pumping my ego up??)
A Marine's heart is their most deadly weapon.
I am not sure if I deserve to be celebrated or to get a firm boot in the ass.
Over the past year, I've still been doing my overnight schedule...which means there has been less time to spend with my kiddo than I would like. A lot of our quality time spent together is either at the dinner table or getting ready for school in the morning. My husband picks up most of the slack with the bedtime routine and homework help due to me needing to rest before I head back to work at night. I wish there was more I could do for my daughter...but honestly I don't have anything left to give at this point. I can truthfully say that I am doing the best I can. I am trying my damndest to balance being a full-time mom and a full-time worker bee. Add onto that I picked a career which flip-flops my days and nights. (When the rest of my life is supposed to continue on the normal daytime pattern.)
Okay, maybe I could use a card or something.
Did I mention that I am secretly hoping my husband actually buys me that police scanner I've been wanting? A friend of mine has been talking about hers for years and I'm always jealous that she knows more about what's going on around town than I do....so maybe someone can put a bug in his ear that they're not too expensive and can be found at Best Buy or RadioShack....
Lastly, I would like to say that on this Mother's Day, I really feel like we're making progress in our lives. We have our own house, are both stable in our jobs, and I'd like to think we're doing a bang-up job of raising the youngun'. We're finally grown ups! Who would've thoughtI'd ever get to this point?
Speaking of which....
Thank you for all you've done for me over the years, Mom(s).
Mother and wife by day, psych RN by night. So many different ways to view life. I try to take everything in and be very slow to judge.