Am I sinking??
Not sure what's going on here, whether it's just too much stress at once or something else is contributing. I am grossly overwhelmed and am grasping at straws trying to fix this problem that I can't even see. Well, I can see what is stressing me out - I just can't see why it's so much harder to deal with this time around. I think it's just that I've been battered by these same waves for so long that I don't have enough energy to stay standing. They're just knocking me down over and over again.
Being bipolar has its ups and downs.
I miss the really good days. I miss the days when I was waaaaaay up there...but having good days and not having those really bad days makes it all worth it, I suppose. That's what they all say, anyway.
Oh, mania, why are you so bad for me?
This past weekend blowed.
The worst part about working the overnights is when our daughter doesn't have school for a few days and my sleep "schedule" is all screwed up. And by screwed up, I mean I don't really get to sleep. Wait, wait, that's not true...I do get to take short naps before I go into work once the hubby gets off of his shift. The only problem is, once I've stayed up all morning it's really difficult to get my brain to wind down and go to sleep in a reasonable amount of time. I'll just lay there for an hour or two and tell myself that closing my eyes and relaxing is almost the same as sleeping...But since it's not, I hit that 4am wall all weekend where my head started to pound and my eyes felt like they were made out of sandpaper. I almost never have that problem anymore - only on our weekends on when I have to stay up with the munchkin for the majority of the day. Don't get me wrong, I love spending some good QT with our daughter! I just hate feeling like a walking zombie for 3 days straight. (I know the weekend is only 2 days long...but it takes me an extra 24 hours to finally catch up again.) It's all worth it in the end, though. I tend to appreciate our weekends off even more when our weekends on fray my nerves.
All about balance...
Mother and wife by day, psych RN by night. So many different ways to view life. I try to take everything in and be very slow to judge.