So much is going on right now, and it is seriously sapping my energy.
I've been really tough on myself lately. It feels like my shortcomings and faults are all magnified and I can't stop focusing on them. They are glaringly obvious to me and it is difficult for me to think of anything else. I know in my brain that this is just a part of the depression that winter brings me through every year, but I still feel overwhelmingly sad and lost so much of the time.
For me, winter is empty and cold and bare.
I find it increasingly difficult to feel good about anything. Putting on a brave face for my kids and for my patients at work saps all of my energy. My poor husband is left with a shell of a human being for a wife. He must dread winter as much as I do, but for different reasons. He is forced to shoulder the burdens that I am unable to carry on my own. He has to wipe my tears and give extra hugs. He has to treat me as something that could splinter and break at the slightest touch.
Because I will.
It has happened every year for over a decade. We just have to wait for the tsunami to hit and pick up the pieces once the waters recede.
Eat. Breathe. Sleep.