Bawwwwkkkk!!!

Chickens. Lottttts of chickens.....

Guys! We are moving in 8 days. 8 DAYS!!!! This is the part where a super-organized, on-top-of -everything person would tell you that we have everything packed and we are ready to go!

Um....so about that....

I would be packing, but I got distracted. 

Distracted by......CHICKENS!!!!!

 So many things to tell you about. Like, did you know that you can ORDER CHICKENS ONLINE?? And they SHIP THEM TO YOU??? IN THE MAIL?! Yes, I'm just as confused as most of you are by this whole announcement. So many things to think about. Like, does anybody TELL the poor mailman that he is going to be given the responsibility of bringing a box of chickens to our house? Well....not quite chickens. Baby chicks. (I think?)

I may not have thought this idea all the way through.....

When we purchased our new house, one of the coolest aspects of it was the fact that there were 2 chicken coops in the backyard. I keep telling people they are electrified, but I don't think that is the correct way to say it. I'm pretty sure we would end up with barbecued chickens if that were the case. (HAH!) Anyway.....they have power. Ever since my husband informed me of this part of the property, I have been obsessed with the idea of having fresh eggs every morning. (I don't know who is going to cook them all for me OR do the dishes after....but I am still in the planning stage. Even though the chickens are already paid for and non-refundable and due to arrive on or after March 21st. Guys, I totally have this under control!)  

I was innocently investigating different types of chickens (specifically Silkie Bantams) and then on my 3rd click I stumbled onto a website called the Cackle Hatchery and within 10 minutes had ordered their package deal that included 5 Silkie Bantams! I did my dance of excitement all afternoon....quietly and to myself because I was too afraid to tell my husband what I had done yet.

I was ecstatic!

That night I was giggling to myself while Binging (I don't Google) (I also don't know if "Binging" is a term, but it is now!) more info about my Silkie Bantams. I found a thread asking if the males crowed like other roosters. And you know what I learned? The do. They totally do. Then I had this awful flash of memory where I saw myself clicking on a box ordering 5 NON-SEXED CHICKENS (basically, they throw a handful of chickens into a box and it's a surprise a few months down the line as to which kind you got. Like Puppy Surprise, only in real life! With barnyard noises!) 

I started to panic, but then I soothed myself by assuring my brain that we could just call the next day and change the order! See! Everything will be FINE!

I got on the phone first thing the next morning and was greeted by a 90 year-old woman with some type of midwestern accent and a bit of a tremor in her voice giving me 3 options. I was to "press 1" if I wanted to place a new order or if I had questions, I should "press 2" if I wanted to order a shit-ton of chickens for my business, or "press 3" for the "Internet Department." Obviously I pressed 1, because I did not want to order MORE chickens and also WTF IS AN "INTERNET DEPARTMENT"????? 

I waited on hold for many, many rings until someone finally picked up my call. (The entire time I was picturing an old rotary phone on an old, wooden school desk situated in the corner of a big barn with a million chickens around. I told myself that they couldn't answer the phone quickly because they were trying to carefully step over the chickens.) 

I explained my issue to the nice woman who said, "Oh, um. I don't think we change orders? Also, did you order over the phone or on the website?" I told her I had purchased them on their website and I was sternly told that I should have dialed 3 for the Internet Department (Duh!) and told me to hang up and do so. 

I dialed the main number again and selected the correct extension and was connected to the people who knew about the internet. I again explained my situation and hoped for the best. The woman told me to hold on while she searched the computer for my order. I heard a lot of grunting and maybe some bad words as I waited for her to pull me up. She came back on the line to inform me that I was "not in the system." I let out a big sigh as this was the WORST INTERNET DEPARTMENT EVER. Perhaps not the worst, but I was freaking out about my chickens at this point. I told her I wanted to make sure that I had only ordered females. She told me that that is impossible with the types of chickens I wanted. She gave me a list of all of the chickens I COULD order that would be checked for their gender and I told her I had to google them all and call her right back because I didn't want to order ugly chickens. (Would you?) 

I decided on the Creole Old English Bantams (I wouldn't be surprised if I got a box of fancy show dogs as that name is VERY sophisticated.) and I asked her to give me 2 of those, please. She had managed to pull my order up at that point and added those on. I then let her know that I only wanted 2 of my UNSEXED Silkie Bantams. She resonded with, "Those don't come in batches of less than 5." 

"............." (This is where I was pinching the bridge of my nose and sqeezing my eyes shut and trying not to scream.)

She THEN told me that she could not take my package deal of Silkies off of my order because mine had already been assigned to me. (I don't even know what that means. I don't even think the hen has laid those eggs yet.) And they do not refund money because the money from my Internet order had "already gone through and then disappeared!" (Really, really not liking this Internet Department. I think they need some new people who know how to operate computers. Or at least Google things.) At that point I decided I should just quit while I was ahead. I told her that no, I would not like any MORE chickens (other than the 7 I had managed accumulated already.) and she told me in a very cheery voice that they should be arriving on time! In the mail!

So.....now I have decided to just think happy thoughts and insist to myself that odds are very low that all of my Silkies turn out to be roosters.....and even if they ARE, at least we have 2 other chickens that are sure to be female and lay us some eggs!)
Hah! Hahahahaaaaa.......so, I'm pretty sure my husband is going to kill me.

Did I mention the fact that I got an e-mail last night from our NH realtor asking me if we wanted the sellers' washer and dryer? Oh, and they also have a bunch of chickens they were wondering if we were interested in!

I read the e-mail out loud to my husband expecting him to immediately respond with a "NO." 

Nope.

His ears perked up and he said "well, are they free chickens??" I replied, "........Um, I can ask?" He responded, "Well if they are free, SURE! They already know the ropes up there, so they'll be like, trained!"

So, now we have 7 chickens (and by chickens I mean baby chicks? Another thing I found out after making the purchase. You should always read the fine print!) coming in the mail, AND 12-15 "ish" possibly being donated to us from the people who sold us their house.

Yup.

THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU MAKE IMPULSIVE BUYS ON THE INTERNET!

I have to go pack. 

Pray for me.

   -  B