It's starting again. That stupid roller coaster that I didn't want to get on the first time...let alone the 1,000th. I know what's going to happen, I know every twist and turn that's going to come along with it. Instead of making me anxious this time around, I'm just tired. I know I can do it again...I know it will end eventually. And I have no choice. Just like a diabetic who doesn't want to take insulin...or a cancer patient who doesn't want chemo. Obviously it's not really a choice, but that doesn't make it any more enjoyable! I will never feel it coming on and say, "Whee!! Here we go again!!" with any type of enthusiasm. I'll just sit here and let it wash over me and try to get to the surface for a breath of air whenever possible.
Sometimes it's like being a teenager all over again. And I was not someone who liked their teenage years.