I just realized it has been over 2 months since I last wrote...I totally blame the fact that I have 3 kids. I find myself using that excuse at LEAST twice a day, every day. We are never on time for appointments anymore....I have 3 kids! Okay, we totally forgot we even HAD an appointment today....It was because of the 3 kids! I said I'd call you back 7 months ago? .....I don't even have time to explain myself, I have 3 kids trying to burn the house down. See?
Speaking of my kids trying to kill me...
When we had our second child, we thought we were brilliant for the way that we spaced the first 2 so far apart. Having a 9 year old to help with a baby was fantastic! Not old enough to babysit, yet old enough to sit with the lump of tiny human on her lap and keep a bottle in his mouth while I changed out of my pajamas (occasionally). The 3rd child was a bit of an anomaly. She wasn't exactly planned, and I understood from the start that having her and my son in diapers at the same time was going to royally suck. Funny thing - I didn't even think to factor in the fact that we were going to have a child enduring the special hell that is middle school and teenager-hood at the exact same time that we would have a toddler who felt the need to be ornery all day everyday and a baby whose world collapsed any time she got a little snot in her nose.
The days have run together since the moment #3 was born. Every morning when I get up and take my AM meds, I literally hear that sound effect from Requiem For A Dream where the mom keeps popping her pills. It feels like the time is going warp speed ahead and I am just trying to hold on to this insane, out of control life lest I fall off and plummet to my death. (Not that I haven't thought about just letting go and jumping on purpose quite frequently...)
I am having trouble keeping a train of thought in my head for longer than 10 seconds - can you tell??
Last night, I was standing in my bathroom after brushing my teeth for the night. Everyone was asleep but me, and the house seemed unnaturally calm. I must have been staring at the wall near the floor by the door for a good 15 seconds before I even noticed I was doing it. When I caught myself, I then realized that this was the ONLY time in MANY days that I had had the luxury of doing something as mundane as staring at a wall....so I let myself do it for a little bit longer. AND I ENJOYED EVERY DAMN SECOND.
Dear lord, what is this life?? I never, EVER, could have pictured it turning into this. This being the most gut-wrenching, unpredictable, exhausting and boring and exciting roller coaster ride I have ever put myself on. Good thing the military taught me the whole "hurry up and wait" concept....
One day, I might spend HOURS sitting on the floor and reading terribly written children's books, scooping nasty baby food into #3's mouth, arguing with #1's teenage-attitude and having a standoff with #2 about not being able to wear his fleece footie pajamas that are 2 sizes too small to Walmart on the hottest day of summer so far.
The next day we might be calling 911 at 10pm because #3 decided to aspirate her own vomit and was turning purple, despite my attempts to suck all of the crap out of her airway.
Having kids sucks. But, it is also the best thing that I have ever done with my life - hands down. I wouldn't give it up for anything in the entire world. I might leave them on the side of the road one of these days if they don't stop screaming at each other while I am trying to drive, though.
Parenthood: Don't do it. (But actually do it right now.)
I need sleep. So bad.
Be nice to everyone you meet. You never know who has a bunch of lunatics waiting for them back at home.
When my husband and I found out we were pregnant with our 3rd child, we were surprised. We had not been planning on having anymore kids after the birth of our son a few years prior. Once we got over the initial shock, we settled in for the inevitable difficult first year that comes with having a newborn.
Here’s what we didn’t realize:
When our son was born, his sister was almost 9 years old. Only one kid was in diapers, only one kid was shoving small objects into their mouth, nose or ears at any given time, and only one kid would be screaming their head off for longer than 2 minutes.
Oh, to go back to those easy days.
Don’t get me wrong - it was definitely a big adjustment to go from one child to two. We had to learn to juggle the needs of both children at the same time. Definitely more complicated than just having one child.
When I was pregnant with #3, we really thought we had this whole “parenting” thing down. It was only 3 years before that we had done the newborn stage with our son, and everything was still fresh in our minds. We weren’t as worried about her getting sick, or getting enough sleep, or as obsessive about writing her bottle times down. We trusted our instincts with the 3rd. We assumed that after 2 kids already, we were pretty much pros.
Dear lord, were we ever wrong.
Okay, so here’s my take: being the parents of 2 kids KIND OF sets up the framework to be able to handle adding more to your brood. HOWEVER, it’s not in the way you think. Or at least not in the way I was thinking…
Bear with me here as I try to pull a coherent thought out of my head with only one cup of coffee in me and 6,000 other thoughts floating around my overloaded brain. Maybe if I make a list that will simplify things?
2. Your kid has a crisis.
3. Throwing a birthday party.
There are SO MANY other things to add to that list, but the infant just started crying, the toddler is waking up for the day, and the older child is calling saying they need you to do something for them immediately. Your lucky partner is off at work, conversing with adults and driving around in their car with the radio on and no screaming in the background. They get a lunch break. You get the half of a granola bar that your child thankfully did not finish eating the day before and you didn’t have enough hands to bring it inside and throw it in the trash.
Don’t get me wrong - I LOVE my 3 kids. They are my world. Literally. My entire world. I wouldn’t change it for anything, but it seriously is crazy. Like bat-sh*t, I couldn’t even make this sh*t up, crazy.
Don’t forget to take your pill!
Mother and wife by day, psych RN by night. So many different ways to view life. I try to take everything in and be very slow to judge.