From Friday to Sunday, I was childless and husband-less. I checked into a hotel room all by myself(!!) and spent the weekend immersing myself in the conference I was attending. I did my best to stay among people and not allow myself to hide in my room, laying in bed and watching "Friends" while munching on the giant bag of popcorn I impulsively bought at BJ's. I did pretty good! There were a few chunks of time when I allowed myself to be in that bed and watch Ross and Rachel, but I also did my best to step out of my comfort zone and do some serious growing over those 3 days.
Let's talk food for a minute.
Something that has come up a lot for me lately has been my #EDrecovery. A big part of the community I have joined is getting together for food multiple times a week. This was initially SUPER hard for me, as it meant that I not only had to hang out and talk with human beings, but also had to go to a restaurant, choose something from a menu, eat that food and then not engage in any past behaviors.
FUCK WAS THAT HARD.
I will not claim to be 100% okay with food at the moment. I have definitely had slips, and ED has gotten loud again as I have been busy addressing other issues and haven't had as much time to devote to focusing on that aspect of my life. HOWEVER, there have been some times where I have been able to beat back that monster and act like a normal human being for a little while.
For instance, we had a birthday to celebrate the other night, and we brought in a chocolate cake to do so. Normally, I would have just passed on the cake and sipped on my coffee. But, I looked around and saw a bunch of people who want to do nothing but support me. Suddenly, I wanted some fucking cake. I wanted to be normal and not worry about what I was eating and the numbers that go with it all.
I ATE THAT FUCKING PIECE OF CAKE, GUYS.
Not only did I eat it, I got fucking frosting all over my face, allowed someone to clean it off for me, and then continued to eat that fucking cake like it was nobody's business. And, of course, thought of the lovely Megan who asked that we all take 45 minutes to forget we had an eating disorder as her birthday gift last year.
I chose to use my 45 minutes this weekend and I rocked it, Megan.
I hope everyone had a good weekend, and I am sending out good vibes to you all this week!
I love you all to death, and am so grateful to have every single one of you in my life.