When my husband and I found out we were pregnant with our 3rd child, we were surprised. We had not been planning on having anymore kids after the birth of our son a few years prior. Once we got over the initial shock, we settled in for the inevitable difficult first year that comes with having a newborn.

Here’s what we didn’t realize:

When our son was born, his sister was almost 9 years old. Only one kid was in diapers, only one kid was shoving small objects into their mouth, nose or ears at any given time, and only one kid would be screaming their head off for longer than 2 minutes.

Oh, to go back to those easy days.

Don’t get me wrong - it was definitely a big adjustment to go from one child to two. We had to learn to juggle the needs of both children at the same time. Definitely more complicated than just having one child.

When I was pregnant with #3, we really thought we had this whole “parenting” thing down. It was only 3 years before that we had done the newborn stage with our son, and everything was still fresh in our minds. We weren’t as worried about her getting sick, or getting enough sleep, or as obsessive about writing her bottle times down. We trusted our instincts with the 3rd. We assumed that after 2 kids already, we were pretty much pros.

Dear lord, were we ever wrong.

Okay, so here’s my take: being the parents of 2 kids KIND OF sets up the framework to be able to handle adding more to your brood. HOWEVER, it’s not in the way you think. Or at least not in the way I was thinking…

Bear with me here as I try to pull a coherent thought out of my head with only one cup of coffee in me and 6,000 other thoughts floating around my overloaded brain. Maybe if I make a list that will simplify things?

1. Your kid gets sick​​
   

• ​​You have 1 child: So what? You spend all of your time devoted to making your little one feel better. You stock up on Vicks, you buy the special green bubble bath, you set up the humidifier in their room. Worst case scenario: one parent sleeps on the couch while the other parent and kid get the big bed for the night. If it lasts for more than 1 night, you can just take turns. Both of you are rested enough to continue functioning like normal human beings. The world keeps turning.
  

• You have 2 children: Ah….this one is a little trickier. You may not have time to go out and buy any of that special stuff, and if you do, it means you are leaving the 2 sick kids with the other parent ALONE. You’ll probably get a speeding ticket either on the way there or the way home because you will be on your way to rescue your poor, exasperated partner. When you get home, you can divide up the kids. One is assigned to the oldest (along with the cooking of the dinner and any other household tasks that need to be accomplished), one the youngest (and nothing else, because sick babies need 100% of your time).

• You have 3 children: Armageddon. Seriously. RUN. RUN NOW!!!! You quarantine any of the kids showing signs of infection as though you are living in the movie “The Stand”. Anytime one of the “healthy” people in the house dares to cough, you give them the side eye and tell them to go wash their hands and stay in their room for the next 3 days. You have a grumpy older child who is not yet used to being tossed out of the nest on their own. They can run their own bath, apply their own Vicks, heat up their own soup in the microwave. Then there’s the toddler. They are most likely completely losing their ever-loving minds because they have been barely hanging onto their sanity by a thread since the moment you brought a new baby into the house. They are sobbing, inconsolable, mucous-covered germ machines that insist on snuggling with one parent at all times. The infant is given to one of the parents to go hide out in a safe place until the house is clear again. If they are infected….oh man, I feel for you. There will be no sleep. There will be no dinner for the parents. There will be a lot of bickering and crying and misery until everyone is healthy again.
  • Also, if this is a stomach bug...you are screwed. Like, completely screwed. I suggest blowing up a few air mattresses that you can just hose down every time they get puked on. Bathing sick, screaming kids while the other two are also sick and screaming in the next room is probably the 7th circle of hell. I am not religious, but I would totally pray for you in this situation.

    2.   Your kid has a crisis.

• You have 1 child: OMG!! Call the pediatrician, call the local therapist, set up a zillion meetings at the school to get them back on track and happy again! Devote 100% of your time to resolving the situation.

• You have 2 children: Trickier. You have to figure out what to do with the second child while you are still trying to do all of the previously stated things for the child in crisis. Pack a giant bag of snacks, crayons, toys, etc. to cart around with you for the next few days to keep child #2 occupied while you fix child #1.

• You have 3 children: This is not good. NOT GOOD AT ALL. Now, you have child #1 with the crisis who is disintegrating before your eyes, child #2 is throwing tantrums and clinging to your shirt everywhere you go. You have a screaming child #3 in your arms. You opt out of in-person meetings because there is just NO WAY that is going to happen, and you suggest phone conferences instead. Then you realize that those won’t work either because you literally have 2 kids screaming and trying to get your attention at the same time you are trying to voice your concerns about the OTHER child to the given professional. They can’t hear you, you can’t hear them. Nothing gets accomplished. You want to run away and take a nap, but NO ONE NAPS THESE DAYS AND YOU ARE LOSING YOUR MIND AND FOR THE LOVE OF GOD WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU TOOK A SHOWER?!?!
  

​
     3.   Throwing a birthday party.

• You have 1 child: SO SIMPLE! Order all of the personalized decorations from Etsy! Spend 2 days decking your house out in whatever theme you are running with that year. Spend the entire day before cleaning the house until it smells brand new. Spend the morning of the party cooking all of the food you had pinned on Pinterest while your partner takes the child out somewhere so that you have complete silence to work in.

• You have 2 children: Gets trickier. Child #1 is wanting the day to be all about THEM (totally normal - it is their birthday.) Child #2 thinks the party is for THEM because they are a toddler and they think EVERYTHING is for them. You may have to wrap a few gifts to let child #2 open so that there isn’t a meltdown. (Don’t worry - you can just take a few of their toys and do a 5 second wrapping job and they will be perfectly content with it.) One of the parental units is in charge of making sure the toddler is happy and still alive while the other one is in charge of tending to the guest’s needs and being somewhat social. You are tired at the end, but you’ll be fine by the next day.

• You have 3 children: You almost forget that you are having a party in the first place because everything is complete Bedlam at all times and you have no idea what day of the week (or even what month) it is. I’m sure by this time you have an app on your phone sending you daily alerts about any appointments or parties that are coming up. You start attempting to clean the day before the party, but all you get done is scrubbing the toilets because that is the #1 thing on the list and you only made it through #1 because the kids freaked out and somehow you lost an entire day dealing with bickering, screaming, cooking, bathing, picking up socks, etc. On the day of the party, you send your partner to Walmart with at least one (if not 2) children in tow to buy a bunch of pre-made party platters. If you are lucky, you get to take the food out of the plastic containers and put them on regular plates so that it looks like you have your sh*t somewhat together. One parent is assigned to the infant and their needs, the other is assigned to the toddler and their multiple tantrums, and the third parent is assigned to milling about the guests and making conversation, offering food and drinks, recording gifts on a piece of paper so that the birthday child may write thank you notes after. Wait. Wait a minute. THERE IS NO THIRD PARENT!!! You literally have zero idea who actually came to the party, your house looks like a bomb hit it after everyone leaves, child #1 and #2 are completely out of their minds because they have so much sugar and caffeine in their systems because WHO HAS TIME TO PAY ATTENTION TO WHAT THEY ARE EATING AND DRINKING at this point?!?! Everyone is crying. You want to cry. It takes forever to get everyone to bed that night. You throw out the dishes as opposed to washing them all. You vow to never throw a party again.

There are SO MANY other things to add to that list, but the infant just started crying, the toddler is waking up for the day, and the older child is calling saying they need you to do something for them immediately. Your lucky partner is off at work, conversing with adults and driving around in their car with the radio on and no screaming in the background. They get a lunch break. You get the half of a granola bar that your child thankfully did not finish eating the day before and you didn’t have enough hands to bring it inside and throw it in the trash.

Don’t get me wrong - I LOVE my 3 kids. They are my world. Literally. My entire world. I wouldn’t change it for anything, but it seriously is crazy. Like bat-sh*t, I couldn’t even make this sh*t up, crazy.

Happy parenting!

Don’t forget to take your pill!

Stay sane.

• B

For anybody who has a mental health diagnosis, or a history of addiction, or has just plain done something that still makes them cringe when they think back on it....this one is for you.

We had a situation with our 10 year-old daughter this week that threw us into through a loop as parents. I'm not going to go into detail about what went on because it is her situation to share with other people and not mine. I will, however, be sharing what I learned as a parent who has always worried that choices I made in the past would end up being detrimental to my children's growth and development.

I had my daughter when I was 21 years old and I have worried about her since she was the size of a kidney bean. I've worried that I would do something to screw her up, I've worried that I wouldn't be the perfect parent, and I've worried that I would make every wrong decision possible and she would end up in juvie by the age of 12 with tattoos all over her face and piercings from head to toe. (I may have been indulging in some catastrophic thinking...)

Fast forward to 2016.

My baby girl is about to turn 11 in a month. 11!! Two more years and she will be a teenager. She has been referring to herself as a "preteen" since last year with such pride and insistence that I want to pack her in a box with a bunch of barbies and tell her to SLOW DOWN! I don't know about you, but I am not ready for her to be a teenager yet.

I'm not ready, but it's coming anyway.

On Tuesday, we were in that position where as parents you immediately question how you got there. What did you​ do wrong that got you to this place? You are going back in your mind and thinking of the millions of mistakes you have made since you were 5, desperately trying to find that exact moment that decided this fate. You are the adult. You are the mom. These two things make it YOUR fault. Right?

Um, nope.

That is not how it automatically works, my friend! Pull yourself out of your puddle of misery and listen to me. Think about all of the people you know. Your friends, your family, your neighbors, that familiar stranger you always run into at Dunkin' Donuts on your morning commute and the "perfect" mom you see at the bus stop. (You know the one I am talking about - her hair is always straightened by 7:00am with no frizz in sight. She's dressed all business casual even though you know for a fact that she is a stay-at-home-mom who is going to be sitting on her floor playing with Mickey and Thomas toys with her 9 month-old in less than 10 minutes. She even bakes. WHO HAS TIME FOR ALL OF THIS?!!) Sorry, that was a bit of a tangent. (Honestly, we don't even GO to a bus stop in the morning...but I know that woman exists somewhere!) You may think about how they all have it together while you are fumbling through life trying to keep your kids alive and fed and not forget to let the dog out before he pees on the floor. It's a lot of stuff. It may sound easy when you say it like that, but life throws you curve balls. Usually these come in the shape of a tiny Lego your toddler decides to put in their mouth and swallow before you even saw that your older kid had dropped it on the floor, or the broken elbow your 8 year-old got from falling off of the swing because they decided to let go mid-air to try to catch a falling leaf.

I don't care how much you plan ahead, there will always be a crisis that hits that smacks you in the face and pulls the rug out from under you all in one fell swoop. 

When it happens, your brain is going to go into that mode where you are berating yourself for being such a bad parent. It is telling you that because you have children, there is no room for accidents or mistakes - you were supposed to become a superhuman the second you decided to procreate. 

I'm sorry, but that's not how it works. You are not given a magic wand, or a cape, or even a Ninja Turtles face mask on the day your child is born. (Which would be AWESOME!) You are still you. Please don't spend all of your time trying to undo all of those moments that you have stuffed back into a closet, desperately trying to hide them from your child and the rest of the world so that they won't judge your parenting abilities. 

Take them out and look through them. Organize them in a way that you will be able to use them. 

That time that you got caught smoking weed and got suspended from high school? Use it. That night when you were stupid enough to drive drunk in college and thankyoubabyjesus didn't hurt anybody, but DID acquire a DUI that will forever be on your record? Use it. That time you followed an old boyfriend across the country only to have your heart broken and your entire world come crashing down and spent the next 6 months in a deep, deep depression where you hated the world and hated yourself even more? Use it.

You cannot change your past. You cannot change the things that make you you. The only thing you have control over is what you are doing in this exact moment on this exact day. All of those yucky things that make your stomach sick and your head hurt when you look back on them....sorry to tell you, but no matter how much you hate them they are NEVER GOING AWAY. Everyone has them. Nobody likes them. But your mistakes mean that you have already gone down the wrong path at some point in time, and that you have the ability to steer your kid away from it before they land in the same place! You have inside information. You know exactly what it feels like to be there, which makes you kind of an expert in that area. Not only did YOU learn from your mistakes - you can pass those lessons onto your kids before they even make them. Stop punishing yourself for being human and start putting your experiences to good use.  

And for the times when your kid makes their own mistakes? Stop standing in front of that vicious mirror and blaming yourself. Ain't nobody got time for that! Swallow your pride and just be there for your child. You were in this same place (probably many, many moons ago), so you know how horrible they are feeling right now. They aren't sitting there focusing on your past. They are worried about their own present. Your stupid mistakes aren't even crossing their mind right now. They are busy focusing on their own negative thoughts and feelings about themselves, and that is something you can do something about. 

Give them a hug. Tell them it's okay. Tell them everybody screws up. Nobody's perfect. The world feels like it is ending right this moment, but tomorrow the sun is still going to rise and things are going to be a little better and no matter what, YOU ARE GOING TO BE THERE FOR THEM.

That is what matters. 

You need to let go of your mistakes and forgive yourself so that you can teach your kids how to do that, too. 

Give them a lollipop and snuggle up on the couch in front of a good movie. Hell, get yourself a lollipop as well! Lean on each other and use that love and compassion to get through it. You've totally got this. It's a piece of cake. Don't overthink things. Just do what you feel is right.

You're an expert, remember?

Smile, my friends, and be kind to yourself.

  -   B

I am so glad 2012 is over.

This year was incredibly difficult for our family. I am hoping and praying that 2013 will bring us health, happiness, and some other things we have been wanting for a long while. I want to work on eating right, sleeping more, and crying less. I am so lucky to have the family that I do. They are supportive when I need them to be, and they tell me to suck it up when I need to hear it.


I've got my fighting pants on.

I am so ready for whatever this coming year brings. I'm ready to work hard for what I want, and I expect a lot from myself. I have recently cut back on certain aspects of my life that were holding me back and making me crawl deeper into my hole of despair. I am going to work out our finances so that we can afford some of these cutbacks, and it's not going to be easy. I am ready to do anything I can to be able to spend more time with my family and less time curled up on the couch not knowing what to do with myself.

I am sick of feeling sorry for myself.

I'm going to try to look towards the positive more and not let the negative parts get me down. I'm going to hug my child more, kiss my husband more, and just generally take in all that my life has to offer. I am going to be grateful for what I have instead of wishing for what I can't. I will be more accepting of my limitations and give myself time to breathe when I need it. I am not going to push myself to the limit like I did last year. I'm not going to break.

I'm going to move on.

Not quite sure what this entails, or how difficult it is going to be. But, I want to try. I am GOING to try. Try being the key word. I do not always have control over what happens or how things turn out in the end. I need to understand that I cannot single-handedly rule my family's universe. I need to let everyone fly on their own and learn their own lessons. I will not try to save the world. I will not take on more than I can handle.

We all know where that gets me.

Goodbye, 2012. Welcome, 2013!



   -  Pita

My head is too full.


I hate writer's block. It always happens when I have too many thoughts in my head and it becomes impossible for me to reach in and pick one out to talk about. It's extremely frustrating to feel so many emotions and not be able to release them in the form of written words. 

Anger. Happiness. Anxiety. 


And the list goes on and on....and on. It's like having a thousand birds flying around my brain and I have to catch the right one at the right time to be able to speak. 

Chaos.


I've been juggling so many things lately. We have a lot of balls in the air right now and I'm trying to keep them all going just right...it is tiring. Luckily, it's also rewarding a lot of the time. I feel I've done some good this week. I feel I made a difference in some lives. It may be a small, seemingly insignificant act of kindness...but a difference all the same. I am happy with the place I am in right now. I love my family, I love my job, I love my friends...yet it is so chaotic I often find myself bouncing from one thing to the next without being able to focus on the outcomes of what I am doing. It will be nice when things calm down and I can take a deep breath and look around at all we have. 

I am so grateful. I am so blessed. 


I just need to come up with a positive mantra to get myself back on track. Mantras are also difficult to come up with when you have a thousand attention-seeking birds occupying your brain. Makes me tired to think about trying to organize this by shoving each thought into their respective box to sort it all out. 

I need an energy boost.




   -  Pita

It may be by a thread, but I'm hanging on.


I seriously think that surgery whooped my ass. It's taken me a lot longer to recover than I thought it would. The scar tissue still hurts and I've still got the residual nausea. I've also been exhausted lately due to this and other stressors. I am a mess. 


But.

I'm hanging in there. I'm doing it. I'm waking up every night, going to work, getting the munchkin to camp and back in the mornings, and finding time for sleep when possible. I've actually been sleeping a decent amount, so I'm not sure why I feel so exhausted. That's a lie. I have some ideas, but I'm not at the point where I would like to share them yet. 

I feel a bit numb, a bit empty, and just a bit less me. It's been more difficult to get myself to sit down and read, or do the housework. Which is why I've been pushing myself harder to get these things done anyway. I want to prove I can. I'm just keeping my fingers crossed that I don't push myself too hard and break.

That would pretty much suck.


Keep hanging in.


   -  Pita

My poor husband.


After almost 5 years of being together, he just discovered one of my quirks. 

I like to rearrange rooms in my house randomly every couple of months for no good reason.

 Literally, there is no point in doing it...it just makes me feel better when it's done! I think of it as a way to really be able to get behind stuff and do a full cleaning. He, however, did not appreciate the fact that I wanted to move our giant dresser and bed around our tiny room just because I felt like it. Thank god he's a good sport and helped with all of the heavy lifting! Did I mention it was also quite hot outside that day and we don't have air conditioning?? 

I don't know what's wrong with me and all of the cleaning and rearranging lately. It's just nice to have the energy to do things! The nausea has subsided enough that I'm not curled up in a ball on the couch moaning and groaning constantly. I've been able to go out and run errands, which included buying all new towels and bathmats for our bathroom today to spruce it up a little. It was a pretty good day! 

I think it's also been difficult for me to move into my husband's childhood home. It still feels like it's more his than ours just because there are so many remnants from when he was a kiddo there. By rearranging things and adding a few of my own touches it's helping me to feel more at home there than I originally did when we moved in. And I'm loving these new projects. They give me something to focus on and to work towards which has been awesome. 

All in all, things are looking up!  




   -  Pita

 

Am I sinking??

Not sure what's going on here, whether it's just too much stress at once or something else is contributing. I am grossly overwhelmed and am grasping at straws trying to fix this problem that I can't even see. Well, I can see what is stressing me out - I just can't see why it's so much harder to deal with this time around. I think it's just that I've been battered by these same waves for so long that I don't have enough energy to stay standing. They're just knocking me down over and over again. 

Eatbreathesleepeatbreathesleep.

Being bipolar has its ups and downs.

I miss the really good days. I miss the days when I was waaaaaay up there...but having good days and not having those really bad days makes it all worth it, I suppose. That's what they all say, anyway.

Oh, mania, why are you so bad for me?


  -   Pita

I got to play in the dirt today!

It was a gorgeous day outside, so we decided to go to Home Depot to pick up some flowers to do the flowerbeds out front. These flower beds haven't been worked on in many years, so it was REALLY exciting to see them transform from dust bowls to fully-mulched gardens. 

This has been one of those weeks where I wish I were a bear and could go into hibernation.

Talk about being kicked when you're down. I am so beyond frustrated, and annoyed, and overwhelmed that I don't know what to do with myself. I've been trying different tactics to get rid of any of the stress-energy I have. And by energy, I mean those short bursts of panic in between the random narcolepsy that has been plaguing me these past few days. I've tried cleaning different rooms in the house from top to bottom. (Moving very carefully.) I've tried reading, and knitting, and drinking all different types of tea. Occasionally I'll sit down on the couch and just crash for an hour or two. I've had to limit the physical things due to tearing my brand-spanking-new scar tissue a few days ago, so that's been fun. Absolutely nothing is good enough. 

I shouldn't say that. The love and support and countless hugs I am getting from my husband are helping more than anything. I am so glad that he is able to hold it together in times of crisis at home, because I am completely useless. I lose my sh*t when it comes to anything going wrong with my family. The tough Marine facade is crumbling into a heaping pile of snot and tears.

Sorry if I just flung myself off that pedestal you had me perched on.



   - Pita