Slowly (but surely) we are settling into the routine of having two children of very different age groups. I was VERY happy that I settled right into the kangaroo lifestyle and pretty much held my tiny man for the entire first three weeks of his life. I got to stay home with him for 8 weeks to work on our bonding, and to establish a routine. Unfortunately for his Dad, the little one got so used to our routine that he was completely thrown off when I had to go back to work! He still gets fussy when he wants Momma, and he doesn't understand why I can't save him every second of every day. Poor Dad has been dealing with the fallout from that one, along with having to work 40 hours a week himself. It's been a bit of a bumpy ride these past few weeks!
Although I am LOVING being a new mom again, I am missing being pregnant. Not the part about carrying a baby around in my stomach - I am much happier with him where I can see him and hold him. But all of my issues that vanished with the pregnancy have come back again full force. I started feeling like I was coming down with the flu a few days ago - achy, tired, head pounding. I randomly decided to take my blood pressure, and lo and behold it was 146/104. I was really hoping I could stay off the beta-blockers, but it wasn't meant to be...
The severe lack of sleep has also been messing with my thought processes. I find myself having to write everything that I need to do down before it slips through my fingers like water. I'm super-jumpy, irritable, and pretty much no fun to be with. I also blame this on the lack of time I have to spend with my husband.
Since the second we started dating, my husband has been my best friend. He is literally my rock, and I do not function properly when he isn't around. He reminds me not to take things too seriously when I start teetering towards the cliffs of despair. And he reminds me of why I am lovable, and of how much I am capable of loving others. Without him there, everything is all "doom and gloom" and "woe is me!" He makes me snap out of it. I can't wait for us to have a few minutes together that aren't overshadowed by diaper changes, colic, and feeding times. And rocking the tiny, screaming bundle of joy. Rocking...rocking....rocking....I rock all of the time now. If I am standing in line at the grocery store, rest assured I am rocking that gallon of milk in my arms like a PRO. God, I must look insane to those around me.
For now, until I get a moment to interact with other adult human beings outside of work, I'm going to just do my best to hang in there. I'm going to snuggle the shit out of my two beautiful kiddos, and I'm going to tell my husband how much I love and appreciate him every single chance I get.
Wish me luck.