It's Been 8 Years And I'm Still Waiting For My Brain To Catch Up.

Anna and Nell at your house, circa 2007. Nell always was good at trying to grab a bite of food. (It helped that she was, like, 5 feet tall!)

​Hi, Carol.

It's that day again. The one we hate. The one where you were taken from us so suddenly and unfairly. The one where I wake up and see the calendar and the back of my neck starts to burn while I feel like a swarm of bees has taken over my stomach.

I miss you.

My brain still doesn't understand you are gone. There are so many days where something will happen and I will automatically think, "I can't wait to tell her!" And then I immediately remember and it feels like someone just knocked the wind out of me.

I still tell you, but it's a silent, one-way conversation inside of my head.

There are so many things going on this year that would have made epic talks between us! Donald Trump is running for president. PRESIDENT. OF THE UNITED STATES. I am sure this would have been discussed on a regular basis as he is constantly making a fool of himself with the racist comments and the impulsive Twitter rants. OH MY GOD, I WANT SO BADLY FOR YOU TO COME BACK SO THAT WE CAN HAVE THOSE CONVERSATIONS. 

Did I mention we are moving?

I finally convinced My Michael (not to be confused with yours, as usual!) to move up north. I would have brought him over to talk to you at least a few times so that you could help me to build up his excitement about this. It's hard doing it on my own, and nobody could do it better than you. He thought you were pretty damn awesome. (Because you were pretty damn awesome.) And this whole online house search is for the birds, Carol. I have a list of at least 30 houses to check out that I need to whittle down. I just can't choose!! You would have helped me to talk through it and knock a bunch off of the list so that it is more do-able. 

Graham really grew up this year.

I know that kids are like weeds with the whole growing thing, but Graham has made so many exciting strides! He went from not being able to chew ANYTHING to having an entire bowl of Rice Chex cereal yesterday. A WHOLE BOWL! This was such a giant leap from where he was just a month ago. And he talks so much now! I would have brought him with me sometimes, just like I did with Anna when she was his age. We would have laughed at all of the words he comes up with. (Laughing was kind of our thing. Nobody was funnier than the two of us when we got together.)

Last, and not quite least there's the whole crocheting thing I've gotten into this year.

I would have made you a scarf. It would be warm and fuzzy, and most importantly IT WOULD NOT BE GREEN! (You know, that color you hate?) I would have picked a nice blue, and I think you would have really liked it.

Another year and I still miss you like you were here just yesterday.

I'm still waiting for the year where I wake up and it is less of a shock to my system when I remember. 

After 8 years, I don't think that day is ever going to come. 

I really, really miss you.

  Love, Bethany.