I am the luckiest woman in the world.
I may be quiet and moody, sometimes manic and always a hypochondriac. I often loathe myself and find a million ways to shoot myself down in one conversation. I doubt my lovability. (I know that's not a real word, but it applies here.) I can't lay still for more than an hour at a time, and often wake up thrashing during the night because of bad dreams. I snore when I do sleep. I take forever to get ready to go out and almost ALWAYS have to run back into the house after we get everyone packed into the car and are pulling out of the driveway to get my phone, or my sunglasses...usually my phone. I am never happy with the first outfit I put on. Ever. I mumble when I'm on the phone so the person on the opposite end can rarely understand me. I shop online. A lot. I never break up the cardboard for the recycling...I instead like to stack the fully formed boxes up until there's no room to get through the back door. I'm a constant ball of anxiety that needs to be reassured. I am demanding and I am hard to love.
But because of or in spite of all of these things, my husband loves me.
He rolls his eyes and sighs loudly a lot...but he appreciates me for who I am. He makes me believe I can be this wonderful human being. He makes me think I am good at what I do. He reassures me when I doubt myself. He hugs me even when he's furious with me, because he knows I am hurting because I can't stand it when I disappoint him. He makes me laugh and he makes me happy to be alive. He makes me want to crawl out from whatever rock I may be hiding under. He makes me want to face the world day after day.
I love you, Buddy. So, so, SO much. Thank you for making me feel like it's okay to be ME.
Mother and wife by day, psych RN by night. So many different ways to view life. I try to take everything in and be very slow to judge.