On my own....with no one else beside me...
This week though, guys. Jesus. Talk about growth. Between divorce stuff, the move, and both of my programs my life has been overwhelmingly chaotic. My emotions have gone from 0-100 in no time flat, and I am having trouble keeping up.
Yesterday I had a panic attack.
IN A PUBLIC PLACE!! It was mortifying. I'm sure some of you have been there before, when your body betrays you and you have no control over what it is doing or how it may be reacting to something. I was sitting in a meeting and all of the sudden my heart rate skyrocketed. It shot right up to the 130's (for my nursing friends) and friggin' STAYED THERE. Then the blackness started to creep up in the sides of my vision, so I quickly got up and exited the meeting lest I fall on my face in front of an entire room full of people. I went out into the hallway and immediately plunked myself down and tried some deep breathing, while willing myself to believe this was a panic attack and NOT a heart attack. (SO MUCH CHEST PRESSURE!!) Thank god for my people, who just brought me water and sat silently with me until I was back to normal. The tremors that happen with my panic attacks, and then the muscle cramps are TERRIBLE. For those of my friends who also suffer from any sort of high anxiety/panic/PTSD, I feel you. It sucks.
Anyway, this week has sucked, but my friends have been fucking amazing.
I am one lucky girl.
- B
PS - The next time you are thinking of piling all of your grocery bags onto your arms in order to only have to make one trip, LOOK AT WHAT HAPPENED TO ME WHEN I DID THAT!!! Falling UP cement stairs = OUCH.
This week though, guys. Jesus. Talk about growth. Between divorce stuff, the move, and both of my programs my life has been overwhelmingly chaotic. My emotions have gone from 0-100 in no time flat, and I am having trouble keeping up.
Yesterday I had a panic attack.
IN A PUBLIC PLACE!! It was mortifying. I'm sure some of you have been there before, when your body betrays you and you have no control over what it is doing or how it may be reacting to something. I was sitting in a meeting and all of the sudden my heart rate skyrocketed. It shot right up to the 130's (for my nursing friends) and friggin' STAYED THERE. Then the blackness started to creep up in the sides of my vision, so I quickly got up and exited the meeting lest I fall on my face in front of an entire room full of people. I went out into the hallway and immediately plunked myself down and tried some deep breathing, while willing myself to believe this was a panic attack and NOT a heart attack. (SO MUCH CHEST PRESSURE!!) Thank god for my people, who just brought me water and sat silently with me until I was back to normal. The tremors that happen with my panic attacks, and then the muscle cramps are TERRIBLE. For those of my friends who also suffer from any sort of high anxiety/panic/PTSD, I feel you. It sucks.
Anyway, this week has sucked, but my friends have been fucking amazing.
I am one lucky girl.
- B
PS - The next time you are thinking of piling all of your grocery bags onto your arms in order to only have to make one trip, LOOK AT WHAT HAPPENED TO ME WHEN I DID THAT!!! Falling UP cement stairs = OUCH.
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