Suffocate.

Panic attacks are the worst.

I can't breathe, I can't move, I can't talk. I literally just hug my knees and squeeze as tight as I can while I hold my breath. None of this works, of course...but for some reason it's my body's natural response to feeling out of control. Gripping something tightly in my hand stabilizes me. I become super claustrophobic around people during the attacks. Unless you are my husband, it is a bad idea to touch me when I look like I'm a basket case. I'm no good with physical touch on a good day - on a bad day, I'm libel to instinctively lash out if someone tries to breach my personal space bubble. 

I sat at home alone all morning the other day, just going in and out of attack mode. I'd manage to calm myself down and then something would make my heart take off again. It was absolutely agonizing waiting for my husband to come home from work. All it takes from him is a good, solid hug or a firm back rubbing to regulate my breathing. Have I mentioned yet how much I absolutely love and adore my husband? I honestly do not know what I ever did without him. Every feeling I had, every memory I made before him...everything was just so insignificant when I compare it to what we have together now. Seriously, he rocks my world.   

Anywho...I'm off to search for more de-escalation techniques that could possibly work for me, as the ones I've been using lately aren't doing a damn thing. Keeping fingers crossed and hopes on the higher side.


   - Pita