Anxiety can be crippling.
People who do not suffer from anxiety or panic attacks cannot understand how excruciating these can be. It feels like you are drowning. Your lungs hurt and you gasp for air. Sometimes I have to wrap my arms around my belly as though I am physically holding myself together until it stops. Even that isn't enough a lot of the time. It has gotten even worse since our cat passed away. She was my sensory item in many ways - her weight on my chest would calm my breathing, as would the sound of her constant purring. It also helped to stroke her back because she was super soft. Unfortunately we cannot get another cat because my husband is very allergic, so I have to find a new way to cope. Much of the time my anxiety doesn't affect my vital signs, so the it may not be obvious that I am currently undergoing an internal meltdown. My head is screaming at me to DO SOMETHING! WE ARE OBVIOUSLY GOING TO DIE! LIKE RIGHT NOW! NOW!! But I manage to keep going through the motions of whatever I am doing at the moment so that I don't look like a crazy person. I smile and laugh and try to have conversations while my entire universe is crumbling and the floor is falling out underneath me and I can't breathe. Can't you tell I can't breathe??? It is terrifying and horrible and I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy. Anxiety has been harder to deal with than any depression I have experienced. It shows up unexpectedly, usually at the worst times possible when I need to be able to fully function. Luckily I have really supportive family and friends who constantly reassure me that no, the world is not ending. No, I am not dying. This will end. And it always does. And when it does, I get to fully enjoy all of the good things I have. Like my husband, and my kids. Thank goodness for them....
Mother and wife by day, psych RN by night. So many different ways to view life. I try to take everything in and be very slow to judge.