Pre-recovery, I was ALWAYS exhausted. Physically and mentally. It took an insane amount of energy just to get off the couch to get dressed and to take care of my kids....there wasn't anything extra to work with.
Back when the dinosaurs roamed, when I was little I liked to write stories. I was also a complete bookworm. I spent a lot of time in libraries with my nose stuck in a book. There is something about just walking into a building MADE to store books that makes me feel instantly cozy and giddy. When you read or write a story, you are transported to another dimension entirely. I become so engrossed in my books that the outside world disappears and for an hour or two I get to stroll around in someone else's shoes.
I used to have big dreams of becoming a writer.
I would imagine myself in a tiny cottage in Ireland, just me and a bunch of paper and pens (possibly some sheep, because those were always in the daydream too) with no worries and no pressure and nothing to do but curl up and write all sorts of fantasies down. Page after page of fairy tales and romances, mysteries and thrillers, tearjerkers, science fiction....There are so many directions to go it would be limitless.
Pre-recovery, I was always waiting for the RIGHT MOMENT.
I convinced myself that I needed the cottage and the sheep and Ireland to write my stories. Then came recovery and now I understand that you can't always wait for all of your ducks to be in a row before you start a project. If you keep waiting for everything to be perfect, you very well might be waiting around forever. Let's face it....my husband is NEVER going to allow me to raise sheep in the backyard.
Stop waiting. Start doing.
So now, I write!
I write what I want, when I want to. If what I'm writing doesn't work out the way I want it to, I put it aside and move onto something else until I can figure out a way to work through the issue.
I am having a blast.
Here's to creativity and flying by the seat of your pants every once in a while!
(You should try it - it's super fun!)