It's that f*ing time of year again.
Seasonal depression. Who's with me?? This is so incredibly insane. I do not understand why this has to happen. I was doing pretty good a few weeks ago. Coasting along, working on some issues, hanging in there. Then it happened.
SNOW. F*ING F F F F*ING SNOWWWWWW!!!!!
I'm not sure if it was merely the fact that I was not aware that we were even supposed to get snow that day, or what it was, but about 1 hour after the snow started to fall (and began to stick around), my anxiety and depression ratcheted up 50 notches. My brain was literally freaking out and trying to scream at the universe that it is WAY TOO EARLY FOR SNOW AND WE ARE NOT READY YET THANKYOUVERYMUCH!!!!
And the universe is all, "Um. You live in New Hampshire. Suck it up."
No, YOU suck it up, Universe!
I am seriously losing my sanity more and more as the minutes tick by....
Did I mention we don't sleep anymore here? And by "we", I mean myself and our almost-one year-old. She has been going through the teething gauntlet for the past few weeks, and is trying to grow 6 teeth all at once. She has managed to perfect a scream that makes my ears actually hurt, and therefore she does this every 5 seconds. Not even joking. The shrieking never stops. It would totally work for torturing enemies, if the government was looking for new suggestions. I'm tired, my meds aren't working, my ED is a super big struggle right now, and I pretty much just hate the entire world.
Good thing I stored up as many good memories as I could this summer....? One would think that once the old meds are out of my system, and the new meds are in....things should calm down some, no? Of course, stopping a med where I am on the max dose is probably going to screw up my brain even more. Then, I am starting a new med that is in the family of meds that I always have those pesky side effects with for the first few weeks where I want to tear all of my skin off and scream at the top of my lungs because everything. just. feels. so. bad. Theoretically, it will all be worth it if this med actually works properly in the end. Theoretically.
Mental health issues suck so, so much.
Everything is bad and I need a nap.
Be nice to everyone you encounter. They may be quietly going crazy, too.
Mother and wife by day, psych RN by night. So many different ways to view life. I try to take everything in and be very slow to judge.